anxiety

Sometimes Anxiety Lies to You

And sometimes, it’s telling you the truth. How do we know when to listen to our anxiety? How do we separate fact from fiction?

Are you an Indian or South Asian American who’s:

• afraid of disappointing your parents?

• worried you’ll never find the “one”? 

• scared of conflict?

• terrified of gaining weight?

• overly focused on doing things right?

• worried about letting people down? 

• uncomfortable with “bad” foods? 

• scared of rejection? 

• Afraid of being disowned? 

These are all signs of anxiety. Maybe another therapist told you that feelings aren’t facts, and that your anxiety’s lying to you. As an Indian American therapist who also has anxiety, I’m here to tell you that your anxiety might also be telling you the truth. 

Anxiety is designed to protect us from the worst possible outcomes. Your anxiety might be because you’ve experienced the worst possible outcomes! Our feelings can be informed by past experiences. Maybe they’re informed by our friends’ and family’s experiences. Maybe our feelings are informed by other people’s opinions. Maybe our anxiety is actually our parents’ anxiety! 

The common thought in all of these experiences is: 

“If it happened to them, it could happen to me.” 

This anxious thought can feel and might even be true for several reasons. It reflects a lived reality. This anxious thought might be because of your parents’ immigration story, or because of racism in the workplace, or because of sexist expectations in the South Asian Dating Market. 

You might have been told that you’re “crazy”, you’re “imagining things”, or that you’re “overreacting” when it comes to your anxiety. As a licensed therapist, I want you to know that, no, you’re not crazy. You’re not imagining things. Your anxiety is trying to tell you something! 

For example, if you’re someone who’s worried about being single, you might know a cousin who’s been single for a long time and can’t find someone. Perhaps your parents told you something along the lines of, “Look at your cousin. Do you want to be single and alone like them? You can’t be too picky”. This might pressure you to go on a ton of terrible dates if it means not being single, alone, and miserable like your cousin. 

If this is you, consider that maybe your cousin: 

1.) Wants to be single and isn’t looking.

2.) Is still figuring things out.

3.) Can’t find someone because of their sexual identity, color of their skin, or other preferences. 

4.) Wants to be with someone, but is also content with their life as is.

5.) Will find someone later in life

Also, consider that their reasons for being single has nothing to do with you, and if you want, being single can be an option for you too. Their story does not have to be your story. 

Maybe this anxiety triggers more anxiety about other things. For instance, maybe the fear of being alone might also trigger your anxiety about weight gain, or your anxiety about telling your parents that you’re not interested in getting married. It’s all connected. 

When it comes to your anxiety, I’m not going to deny the reality of your lived experience. You are the expert on your life; I’m just a guide. We’ll explore where this anxiety comes from and think about different options and perspectives that are helpful to you. 

Whether you’re anxious about being single, gaining weight, or conflict with family, the anxiety that you feel does not have to overwhelm you. Together, let’s listen to what your anxiety’s telling you, figure out where it’s coming from, and find realistic coping skills that feel good to you.

Are you a Bad Indian or a South Asian Misfit with Anxiety? Schedule your free intro call with me today!