Have you ever found yourself feeling a bit off when your single or childfree friends share their lives with you? Maybe you've caught yourself asking questions like, "When are you going to settle down?" or "Don't you want kids?"

It's easy to fall into the trap of projecting your own desires or societal expectations onto your loved ones. And don’t get me wrong—getting married and having children can be beautiful. But assuming your friends should also do that too when they’re already having a hard time can be extremely judgemental. Let’s be real: sometimes, the best way to support someone is to simply leave them alone. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not helping. In fact, you’re out of touch! Dating and relationships are just different now.

If you’re like me, you’re also an eldest daughter. We've all heard the stereotypes: the perfect, people-pleasing ones. But is there really any truth to these claims? While birth order can certainly influence our personalities and experiences, it's not the sole determinant of our mental health. There's a complex interplay of factors that contribute to the unique challenges faced by eldest daughters. I believe that “Eldest Daughter” is a lazy, surface-level take that doesn’t adequately address brahmanical patriarchy, the model minority myth, and fetishization, all of which influence Eldest Daughter Syndrome for South Asian women.

As an Indian American, I've definitely felt the pressure to fit the mold. You know, the whole "model minority" thing? It's like we're supposed to be perfect students, successful professionals, and always happy and well-adjusted. But let's be real, that's not everyone's experience.

Let's talk about boundaries and assertiveness. You might think they're the same thing, but they're actually two distinct skills that work together to improve your relationships and overall well-being.

Assertiveness is about building confidence and standing up for yourself. It's about communicating your needs and desires clearly and effectively. Assertiveness can involve setting boundaries, but it can also involve other behaviors, like speaking up for yourself or saying "no." Assertiveness doesn’t always have to be communicated. It can also be about taking action for yourself, rather than seeking permission from others. 

Remember when you first started therapy?

You probably had high hopes for a quick fix, like a magical cure to all your problems. But the reality is that healing is a process, and it takes time. When you don't see immediate results, you may feel like you've failed, which can lead to feelings of disappointment and frustration. You might feel ashamed of yourself. You might think that therapy wasn’t effective!

As a South Asian American woman therapist, I've noticed a troubling trend in South Asian Mental Health™ especially among those struggling with OCD or rumination. Many, especially South Asian women, find themselves trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety, often exacerbated by the pressure to conform to societal expectations. Many therapists mistakenly assume that OCD and rumination can be treated just like anxiety, especially for women of South Asian descent, in the name of “culturally competent” mental healthcare and call this “Eldest Daughter Syndrome”. Many CBT therapists believe that OCD can be treated with thought-stopping.

September is my favorite month of the year. Not only is it my birthday month, but it’s also  a time for reflection and renewal, and the month offers an opportunity to delve deeper into the complexities of mental health, including ideation. September is Suicide Awareness Month.  While therapy  focuses on the well-being of clients,  what many people don’t know is that therapists also experience emotional challenges.

Perfect Indian Girl™ Syndrome is when we expect Indian American women to be the perfect daughters, sisters, workers, girlfriends, wives, with complete obedience and without question. Perfect Indian Girl™ Syndrome is a phenomenon. We are expected to be “good”, or otherwise, “perfect”, by people both within and outside of our culture!

Without going to another CE Training

We’re at the end of the first month of 2023. On Instagram and TikTok, I see many people embracing soft living, work-life balance, and healing from within. In this really unclear post-pandemic (if we can even call it that) era, more people are embracing the benefits that come with remote work, such as flexible travel and taking breaks as needed.

Is it me, or does it feel like somehow the details of our personal lives become everyone’s business, just by virtue of being Desi? Even people who aren’t related to us in any way want to know if we’ve found the “perfect” South Asian partner who will make our family look good, or how much money we make. The moment we meet someone new at a family gathering, it’s like they know our whole resume.

Here’s the thing: There’s no such thing as a person that everybody likes. That person doesn’t exist. I give you permission to stand your ground. Be loud. Raise your voice. People will say things, maybe even your relatives will back your boundary violator. Set the boundary and be firm about it anyway. Raise Hell.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a type of trauma therapy that allows your brain to go over the details of past events that still affect you. This can be anything from a sexual assault to a terrible boss you had at a past job. You don’t need to have PTSD to get help from EMDR!

If you come from a culture that places an emphasis on perfectionism in your career, in your marriage, and in your family, you might believe that all of these things are supposed to be in your control.

It’s imperative to call out domestic violence in our community. As South Asian Americans, there is already a racist stereotype perpetuated in the media that South Asian men are brutally misogynistic.

Leave the cave of secrecy and shame! When I was a freshman in high school, a Black girl my age, let’s call her T, sat across from me on the bus. She was speaking to me about an Indian immigrant student, let’s call her G, who recently moved to our suburb from India.

And Why It’s Hard When You’re South Asian. It was Easter, and I was video calling my siblings when my dad suddenly took my brother’s phone and, after a couple of minutes of small talk, said, “Your thighs look huge and you look like you’ve gained weight. Tell me how much you weigh?”

Expressing gratitude for my country of citizenship doesn’t mean that I ignore the problems. That’s toxic positivity.

People ask us how to cope when their world feels like it’s falling apart. The thing is our world is falling apart too.

Reading a good book, watching TV, painting, or even learning a language are all things that are joyful but take a tiny amount of effort, so I wonder, “Why can’t I be at peace like this when I’m focused on work?