4 Ways to Actually Support Your Single and Childfree Friends
Have you ever found yourself feeling a bit off when your single or childfree friends share their lives with you? Maybe you've caught yourself asking questions like, "When are you going to settle down?" or "Don't you want kids?"
It's easy to fall into the trap of projecting your own desires or societal expectations onto your loved ones. And don’t get me wrong—getting married and having children can be beautiful. But assuming your friends should also do that too when they’re already having a hard time can be extremely judgemental. Let’s be real: sometimes, the best way to support someone is to simply leave them alone. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not helping. In fact, you’re out of touch! Dating and relationships are just different now.
Permission to Be Regular
One of the biggest challenges for single and childfree South Asian Americans is the pressure to be exceptional. We're often told that we need to achieve certain milestones, like getting married or having children, in order to be considered successful. Your single and/or childfree friend does not need to fit this narrow definition of “success”. .
Not everybody wants what you have and that’s okay. It's okay to be single. It's okay to be childfree. These are valid life choices, and there's nothing wrong with them.
Live Unapologetically
If you're on the receiving end of this unsolicited advice, you might find yourself overthinking your life choices. You might even feel ashamed for not dating "enough" or for not having kids. But let's be clear: there's nothing wrong with you.
Not everything has to have a reason. Some things just are. You're single. You don't have kids. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Dating on Your Own Terms
If you choose to date, let it be on your own terms at your own pace. There doesn't need to be rules. There doesn't have to be a deadline.
So many friends and family have opinions on what they think you should be doing. But remember: their opinions don't define you. When you realize how often people are projecting, you start taking shit less personally.
It's important to remember that you're in control of your own dating journey.
Set your own pace. Don't feel pressured to jump into a relationship just because everyone else wants you to settle down. . Take your time and enjoy the process.
Don't follow everyone else's rules. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating—it’s about the kind of relationship that you want. Focus on how you want to feel in a relationship. .
Ignore the noise. So many friends and family have opinions on who you should date and when you should settle down. But remember: their opinions don't define you. When it comes to dating, other-oriented perfectionism can creep in. These are the standards that people have for you. But they’re not the ones who have to share a bed with your future partner.
Focus on what matters. Instead of worrying about what others think, focus on what you want. What are your deal-breakers? What are your non-negotiables?
Be patient. Finding the right person takes time. Don't get discouraged if things don't work out right away. Focus on the process and not the outcome.
How to Support Your Friends
Here are a few ways you can support your single and childfree friends:
Listen without judgment. Truly hear what they're saying without offering unsolicited advice or opinions.
Respect their choices. Even if you don't understand or agree with their decisions, it's important to respect them. So long as they’re not hurting themselves or anyone else, you don’t need to intervene. They’ll be fine.
Offer support, not advice. If they're struggling with something, offer your support and empathy. If they want your advice, they’ll let you know.
Celebrate their accomplishments, regardless of their relationship status. Everyone deserves to be recognized for their achievements, regardless of their personal life.
Sometimes the best way to support someone is to simply be there for them, no strings attached.
Imagine a world where single and childfree individuals are celebrated for being themselves.. A world where they feel supported, understood, and empowered to live their lives on their own terms. Your single and childfree friends are embracing that world, and you can be a part of it too (yep, even if you’re not single or childfree)! The point—being married and having children is lovely and also important, but is not the end-all, be-all to having a good life for everyone.
Single, childfree, and feel like a burden? You’re not a disappointment (even if our culture says otherwise)! . Schedule a free intro call to explore how we can work together.
Do you feel bad for not living up to other people’s expectations? Break free from the toxic guilt! Detoxify Your Guilt to get started.