Depression

In case nobody told you, it’s OK if you’re not happy with your life

If you feel disappointed and craving for something more, you’re not alone.

“You should be grateful for what you have. Just be happy.”
Raise your hand if you’ve been told this before 🙋🏽‍♀️

Now raise your hand if you were raised in a Brown household and told this before 🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️

Our immigrant parents were not able to dream bigger. They were just happy to be in the West and have opportunities. Due to racism and discrimination, they settled for less than they deserve.

They dreamed of their kids having opportunities, but because they had to settle, they don’t understand that we have bigger dreams.

It’s so contradictory, and it can be infuriating. I feel like yelling, “You brought us to this country to go after the American Dream, and now you’re upset when we won’t settle for anything less? Agh!!!”

When I see symptoms of depression in the South Asian community, I find that sometimes it’s because we didn’t think life would turn out this way. We expected more, we were sold on more, and when we finally reach success, we don’t feel fulfilled.

Of course, there are biological, relational, and other medical reasons for depression. Depression is a real illness that can’t be cured from just “being grateful”. As a licensed therapist, I resent this idea, and depression is so much more complicated than that.

Depression is very real, and despite the mental health taboo, it’s one of the most common mental health disorders among South Asians, and older and middle-aged Indians and Pakistani people in the West actually face higher rates of depression compared to white counterparts. Acculturation stress, or the stress that comes with surviving as a minority in the West, can be a contributing factor to depression. Your depression is not a “made up” thing.

Harsh and rigid expectations about career, marriage, and success in our community can also contribute to depressive symptoms and make it worse. We were told to not do anything less than work hard to succeed, and that if we succeed, we will be happy, so long as we follow this prescribed life path that other people paved for us, the One Right Way to Life.

We were told that if we worked hard enough, lost enough weight, married the right person, had the right job, then we’d be “happy”. And if we’re not happy by then, we should “be grateful”.

Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. The goal post for success and happiness is always changing, and it’s going to look different for anyone.

What makes your parents happy and what makes you happy are two different things.

I’m not here to try and make you happy 24/7. That’s not realistic.

There are going to be sunny days, and there are also going to be days when it rains and pours.

I’m not going to tell you to just focus on either one or the other. Much like the weather, we can acknowledge both bad and good days exist and still have fulfilling lives.

I’m here to teach you how to tolerate the good, the bad, and the ugly days.

I’m here to give you the space where you unleash your frustrations and sadness about life, the world, and culture around you.

I’m here to help you find the small things that can bring you more satisfaction and enjoyment in your life.

I’m here to help you cut out the things that are only inviting more red flags, toxicity, and unhealthiness in your life.

I’m here to help you identify your values and a life that’s more true to YOU, not to other people.

Don’t let depression hold you back. Take the first step towards building life on your terms. Schedule your free intro call with me today!

If you are having thoughts of suicide and self-harm, please call 988 for immediate crisis support.