My Issue with the Term "Relapse Prevention"
Remember when you first started therapy?
You probably had high hopes for a quick fix, like a magical cure to all your problems. But the reality is that healing is a process, and it takes time. When you don't see immediate results, you may feel like you've failed, which can lead to feelings of disappointment and frustration. You might feel ashamed of yourself. You might think that therapy wasn’t effective!
You might have unrealistic expectations in therapy AND in yourself, influenced by cultural beliefs, societal pressures, and the model minority myth. You may believe that you should be able to "snap out of it" or "fix yourself" with a few sessions. However, this is simply not the case. Let's talk about why that's unrealistic and unhelpful.
You're Not Supposed to Be Emotionally Perfect in a Deeply Imperfect World.
Let's be real: the world is full of triggers, and setbacks are bound to happen. There’s no such thing as being flawless in a deeply flawed world. This world is unwell–how are you supposed to be well? It's like trying to walk through a minefield – even if you're careful, you might still step on a landmine. The same goes for our emotional journey.
Here are some common triggers that can lead to setbacks:
Stressful life events: Job loss, relationship problems, financial difficulties, or health issues can all trigger emotional distress.
Social situations: Interacting with certain people or being in specific environments can be overwhelming and contribute to anxiety or depression.
Physical changes: Hormonal fluctuations, illness, or medication changes can affect our mood and emotions.
Trauma: Past and NEW experiences of trauma can surface and trigger mental health conditions. Remember, what’s done to you is not in your control.
Relapse is a Normal Part of the Healing Process.
I take issue with the term "relapse prevention" because it can make you feel like a failure if you experience a setback. It implies that you should be able to completely avoid relapses, which is unrealistic and can be harmful.
Instead, I prefer to think of it as recovery. This term emphasizes the importance of being prepared for challenges and having the tools to cope with them effectively, but doesn’t put the onus on you to 100% prevent relapse. Your recovery kit is like having a first-aid kit: you hope you'll never need it, but it's comforting to know it's there if you get a scrape or a cut.
As you make progress in therapy, it's totally normal to experience setbacks or relapses. Relapse is inevitable.
Imagine learning to ride a bike. You don't just hop on and master it right away, do you? You probably fell a few times before you got the hang of it. Think of relapses like potholes on your journey to recovery. You might encounter them unexpectedly, and they can be frustrating and scary. But they don't mean you've failed or that you're doomed to stay stuck.
Millions of people around the world have experienced setbacks in their recovery. The goal isn’t to prevent relapse, it’s to know how to get yourself back on track when you know you’ve fallen off.
The Goal of Recovery
The goal of recovery isn't to prevent setbacks altogether. Life is full of unexpected challenges, and sometimes, you're going to slip up. The important thing is to be prepared for these moments and to have the tools to bounce back.
Here are some tips for recovery:
Review what you’ve learned with your therapist: If you learned something new in therapy that led to a positive change in your life, review what you learned with your therapist. Go over skills and tools if needed.
Practice these new skills on your own: Practice what you’ve learned outside of therapy in your own time! If you learned a new affirmation, repeat it in front of a mirror. Identify your triggers with the new skills you learned.
Reach out for support: If you fall off track, reach out to a friend, a crisis line, or schedule a session with your therapist for help.
Be aware of your triggers: Be mindful of when things can trigger difficult emotions for you, and rely on grounding tools to help you avoid impulsivity.
Create a safety plan: If you're struggling with suicide or self-harm, it's important to have a safety plan in place. This plan should include who to contact in case of an emergency and what coping strategies to use.
And Remember, It's Okay to Come Back to Therapy.
If you find yourself struggling after therapy, don't hesitate to reach back out to your therapist. A tune-up session can be incredibly helpful in reinforcing your coping skills and helping you get back on track.
Remember, there’s no such thing as 100% healing. It's expected that you’ll have ups and downs along the way.
For inspiration, I really love this reel by Owen Unruh, who restarted their sobriety journey after a relapse. Owen’s right–tomorrow is not your problem!
Are you a Perfect Indian Girl™️ afraid of making mistakes in recovery?
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