Does South Asian Mental Health™ Represent Me? How Model Minority Myth Creates a Dangerous Single Narrative

As an Indian American, I've definitely felt the pressure to fit the mold. You know, the whole "model minority" thing? It's like we're supposed to be perfect students, successful professionals, and always happy and well-adjusted. But let's be real, that's not everyone's experience.

I've struggled with mental health myself, and it's been tough to find resources that truly resonate. So many of the South Asian mental health resources out there seem to focus on the same old stereotypes. It’s why I like to add a little trademark to South Asian Mental Health™.  It's like they're trying to fit us all into this one little box. It’s like we’re being branded. In fact, PM Modi called Indian Americans “brand ambassadors”.

But the truth is, we're all so different. We have unique experiences, unique challenges, and unique ways of coping. When it comes to South Asian Mental Health™, we need to step away from branding and acknowledge the truth: What works for you may not work for someone else. Likewise, what works for someone else may not work for you.

The Dangers of Cultural Conformity

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Nigerian Novelist and Feminist, talks about the Danger of a Single Story. It reminds me of how so much of South Asian representation in the West is actually Indian American representation, namely the representation of the wealthy, upper-caste, and Hindu. Cultural conformity can have a significant impact on your mental health and well-being. As Indians and Indian Americans, we were raised in collectivist cultures that are shame-based.  The shame of cultural conformity  can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression, and people feel pressured to conform to expectations that don't align with their true selves.

As much as our diaspora would like to think otherwise, there’s no such thing as “South Asian Unity” or “Brown Girl Unity”. A recent survey found that 80% of Indian American Muslims felt less comfortable in cultural spaces due to political changes in India. This highlights the importance of individual autonomy and the dangers of cultural conformity. When individuals are forced to suppress their own beliefs and values in order to fit in, it can lead to a loss of self-esteem and a sense of alienation. It’s the ultimate form of gaslighting because it makes you feel like something is wrong with you for not being able to relate! 

Cultural identity is a complex interplay of tradition and personal experience. While it's important to honor your heritage, you shouldn't feel obligated to let it dictate your decisions. Autonomy is also a human right. Individual autonomy allows you to make choices that align with your values and aspirations, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

The Complexity of Community

While community can be a source of support and belonging, it can also be a source of pressure and judgment. To find a community that values individuality and respects your unique experiences, it's important to:

• Prioritize your mental health: We can’t heal as a community unless all of us commit to doing the individual, inner-work. We all have to connect to our inner knowing in order to make sense of someone else’s experience. 

• Seek out diverse communities: Don't limit yourself to communities that are homogeneous.When you surround yourself with people just like you, you only hear one narrative, one option, one way of living life. This is incredibly limiting, and can make you feel hopeless. When you hear the diverse perspectives of people who have both similar and different life experiences, it improves your cognitive flexibility, increases your options in life, and increases hope, connection, and belonging. Be open: Be willing to explore different communities and find one that aligns with your values and interests. Spending time with people who have similar experiences and insights can help you feel less alone and less “crazy”.

• Build strong relationships: Foster connections with individuals who support and encourage you. This can take time and patience. When you start meeting new people and making friends, you may feel like you’re fitting in rather than belonging. But your vulnerability is a type of intimacy that is earned. When someone you’ve been friends with for a while gains your trust, you may find that it’s easier to be yourself.
  
  

Looking to find a like-minded community? Join Misfit Chaat House on Facebook to connect with other Bad Indians and Misfits like yourself!

Prioritizing Your Well-being

Your mental health is a highly individualized process and isn’t one-size-fits-all. It's essential to listen to your own needs and make decisions that align with your values and aspirations. You're not a "Bad Indian" for choosing a different path. You’re a more authentic one. 

 Permission to be Regular! 

Cultural stereotypes can really mess with our heads. You might feel the need to prove yourself otherwise to make a point. For many of us, we may feel the pressure to be exceptional to be seen. But in turn, this  can make us feel like we have to fit a certain mold, and that can be exhausting too. So, let's break free from those stereotypes, embrace our individuality, and give ourselves permission to be average!! By doing so, you're not only honoring your heritage but also contributing to a more diverse and inclusive community.

Here's how to do it:

• Learn the facts: Know your history and culture, but also be aware of the stereotypes associated with it. Books I recommend are “They Called Us Exceptional” and “The Trauma of Caste”. It’s refreshing to hear examples from community leaders who broke the mold! 

• Speak up: When you hear a stereotype, you might feel afraid to call it out. The fear of ruffling feathers is a core wound for many of us. You don’t have to start an intense conflict, or fix the conflict right away. Simply saying, “I disagree”, or “Dude, not cool” can send a message that you’re not consenting to a stereotype. 

• Be yourself: Celebrate your unique qualities with people who appreciate them. 

• Find your people: Connect with people who understand and support you.

• Lead by example: Show others that it's okay to be different. You never know who might be secretly thanking you. 

Let's challenge the notion that there's a "right" way to be Indian American. Instead of trying to force ourselves into a single narrative, let's celebrate our diversity. 

Remember, cultural identity is a fluid concept that evolves over time. What may have been considered acceptable in the past may no longer be relevant today. New problems cannot be solved with old solutions. 

Let's continue to advocate for a world where everyone feels empowered to express their individuality and live authentically. Remember, a community is a bunch of individuals coming together, not a bunch of people who are 100% just alike. 

Tired of chasing exceptionalism? Let’s challenge the idea that being Indian means being successful. 

Ready to take the next step? Book a free intro call with me to explore how we can work together.

Is guilt of not being “good enough” weighing you down and holding you back from living your best life? Time for a little guilt “detox”!  Enroll in my new course, Detoxify Your Guilt, today! Let's shed the unrealistic burdens of community obligation.