For Brown Girls with Burnout: How Therapy Can Help You Recover
Burnout has become a quiet epidemic, especially among women who are trying to do it all. You’re showing up for your job, your family, your community, and your friendships, yet somehow, there’s still this unspoken expectation that you should be grateful and composed through it all. For many South Asian women, this pressure runs even deeper.
For many of us who were raised in immigrant communities, “rest” wasn’t a word that was acknowledged. Growing up, my parents told me that doing well in school was “average” or the “bare minimum”, and that I should strive to do more than what was expected of me. On the weekends, I was expected to not just study, but to also help out around the house, work a part-time job, and spending time with friends was looked down upon.
From a young age, many of us are taught to excel — to be the “good girl” who studies hard, makes our parents proud, cares for others, and doesn’t make mistakes. Success becomes not just a goal, but a duty. And when we finally achieve the things we’ve worked so hard for, the pressure doesn’t stop. Now we’re expected to get married to the “right” man, have children at the “right” time, and still keep up with all of it. We’re often balancing career ambitions with family expectations, community standards, and the invisible weight of cultural responsibility.
But behind the polished exterior — the one that looks like “having it all together” — many South Asian women are quietly burning out in silence. It’s OK to admit that you’re exhausted.
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout for South Asian Women
Burnout isn’t just feeling tired after a long week. It’s the emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that comes from prolonged stress and overextending yourself to meet everyone else’s expectations. It’s when even the things you used to love begin to feel heavy.
Common signs of burnout can include:
Constant fatigue, even after rest
Irritability, cynicism, or emotional numbness
Trouble concentrating or making decisions
Physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, or digestive issues
Sleep difficulties (either insomnia or oversleeping)
Feeling detached from your work, relationships, or purpose
For many South Asian women, burnout doesn’t always come from work alone. It can stem from the emotional labor of caring for aging parents, parents who have constant family conflict, advocating for younger siblings, managing family expectations, and trying to meet cultural standards of being a “good daughter,” “good wife,” or “good mother.”
You might feel guilty for wanting rest because rest feels like laziness. You might hesitate to say “no” because setting boundaries feels selfish. Over time, this creates deep internal conflict: wanting to care for others but feeling increasingly depleted yourself.
This cycle of exhaustion and guilt often leads to:
Strained family relationships
Guilt about resting or taking breaks
Decreased satisfaction and joy in life
Increased anxiety and depression
Emotional dependence or co-dependency, where your self-worth hinges on others’ approval
Burnout, in this sense, isn’t just about being “too busy.” It’s about the deep emotional toll of good girl conditioning: the belief that you must earn rest, love, and worthiness through doing more.
Why Ignoring Burnout Makes It Worse
When burnout goes unacknowledged, it doesn’t just fade — it deepens. Ignoring burnout can lead to serious physical and emotional consequences. Chronic stress has been linked to a higher risk of heart disease and autoimmune illnesses (things that South Asians are already at high risk for), and not to mention anxiety and depression.
For South Asian women, the stakes are especially high. Many of us grow up in families where self-care is seen as indulgent or unnecessary. We’ve learned to push through pain, to dismiss our own exhaustion, to tell ourselves that “other people have it worse”, and that we should “just be grateful”. This toxic gratitude silences you from acknowledging the truth, and it’s a form of emotional suppression. This mindset can keep us from recognizing when our bodies and minds are begging for rest.
Over time, ignoring burnout can lead to:
Emotional detachment or resentment toward loved ones
Loss of motivation and creativity
Declining physical health and chronic fatigue
Burnout cycles that make recovery harder each time
Without intervention, burnout becomes not just a phase, but a way of life that erodes your joy, your sense of identity, and your connection to yourself. You may start to become resentful, bitter, and jaded, and have a pessimistic outlook on people and life.
This is why learning to slow down, rest, and heal isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for surviving AND thriving.
How South Asian Cultural Norms Fuel Burnout
To understand burnout among South Asian women, we have to name the cultural roots that make it so pervasive.
Toxic productivity: Many of us were raised with the message that productivity equals worth. We’re praised for achievements, not for joy. We feel anxious when we’re not doing something “useful.” For further reading, I recommend Toxic Productivity by Israa Nasir MHC.
Perfectionism and people-pleasing: Whether it’s excelling academically, looking “put together,” or maintaining family harmony, perfectionism often becomes our armor against criticism or shame.
Minority stress: Navigating life as a South Asian woman in America often means code-switching, dealing with microaggressions, and feeling pressure to represent your entire community.
Collectivist guilt: In South Asian cultures, community and family are prioritized in almost all decision-making, but this can sometimes blur personal boundaries and prevent you from honoring your own needs. Prioritizing yourself can feel like betrayal. You might feel like a “bad” daughter.
All these factors make it easy to overextend and hard to rest. Even when we recognize we’re burning out, the shame of rest and the voice that says, “You’re being ungrateful,” “You’re being lazy,” “You’re being selfish”, or “You can’t let anyone down” keep us pushing way past our limits.
Healing from burnout isn’t just about taking a vacation or sleeping more. It’s about unlearning the beliefs that made burnout feel normal in the first place. When did you learn that you must sacrifice yourself to prove that you’re “good”?
Strategies for Burnout Recovery
Recovering from burnout requires both compassion and consistency. Healing happens slowly, but it’s possible.
Here are a few ways to start:
Rest without guilt – Give yourself permission to pause, not as a reward for doing enough, but because you are human and deserve rest. Remind yourself that whatever you need to do can get done later, even if it’s an hour or a day from now. Start small and test something small: is there one email that you can put off tomorrow morning? Can you close your laptop at 7:58 pm instead of exactly 8:00 pm?
Reconnect with your body – Notice what it’s telling you: the tightness, the fatigue, the tension. Gentle movement, yoga, or deep breathing can help regulate your nervous system. Even stretching or progressive muscle relaxation can center you!
Set boundaries with yourself – Sometimes the person who needs to hear “No” the most is you. Practice saying “no”, “not right now”, or “maybe later” to yourself when you find yourself pushing past your limits. Remember that boundaries protect your energy; they’re not acts of rebellion, but acts of respect for yourself and the people who matter most to you. For more on how to set boundaries with yourself, I recommend reading Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshmin, MD.
Challenge perfectionism – Sometimes the harsh expectations we have of ourselves are self-imposed. Sometimes they come from others. Sometimes it’s a mix of both. Ask yourself, “Who taught me that being a good girl keeps me safe or loved?” Replace unrealistic standards with self-compassion and give yourself grace.
Build emotional regulation skills – Learn to name and manage emotions rather than suppress them. When you feel on-edge or on the verge of a crash out, practice ACE: Acknowledge the thoughts and feelings you have, Connect with your body in subtle ways (lean back in your chair, plant your feet on the ground, stretch your arms), and Engage with the task in front of you or the environment around you. ACE is a technique from Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) that can help you be more mindful of the present moment and act in alignment with your values.
Seek supportive community – Highly critical people who are prone to make demands of you or see the worst in you are not going to be the most supportive. Instead of dwelling on the guilt of potentially putting them on the backburner, prioritize making room for more supportive people in your life. Share your experiences with other South Asian women or women of color who understand. Healing becomes easier when we’re seen, understood, and supported. This is called co-regulation, when we feel regulated by others’ empathic and understanding presence.
How Culturally Competent Therapy Helps With Burnout Recovery
Therapy can be a powerful space for South Asian women to process burnout, especially when working with a culturally competent therapist who understands the nuances of your experience.
A culturally attuned therapist doesn’t just tell you to “set boundaries” or “take self-care days.” They understand the cultural guilt, family dynamics, and identity struggles that make those steps feel complicated. They can help you:
Unpack the roots of good girl conditioning and perfectionism
Explore intergenerational expectations that fuel your self-doubt
Learn culturally-sensitive tools to manage anxiety and emotional overwhelm
Rebuild a sense of balance between ambition and rest
Reconnect with joy, not just productivity
Therapy offers structure and support to help you move from survival mode to a more grounded, balanced life. It helps you rewrite your definition of success — one that includes peace, rest, and authenticity. You don’t have to carry the weight of fitting one narrow idea of what “success” means. You get to define what success means for you.
Take the First Step Towards Recovery
If you’ve been pushing through exhaustion, doubting your worth, feeling disconnected from yourself, and constantly feeling guilty about letting people down, therapy can help you find your way back.
Together, we can work to unlearn toxic productivity, recover from burnout, and create a life where you can thrive, not just survive. You deserve rest. You deserve understanding, not judgement about not “doing enough”. You deserve to feel like yourself again.
Looking for mental health support? I’m a South Asian therapist who works with “good girls” just like you who are looking to feel more like yourself again. Book your free intro call today to explore how I can help you begin your recovery from burnout, without the guilt or shame of not being “good enough”. Let’s be “bad” together! Can’t wait to meet you.
Hi there! I’m Tracy Vadakumchery, LMHC, LPCC, LPC and I call myself “The Bad Indian Therapist”. I’m based in New York and I’ve been practicing as a therapist for 8 years now. I work with South Asian women just like you who are sick and tired of being the “good girl” for everybody else. There’s no such thing as a person that everybody likes, so let’s be “bad” together. Learn more about me and book your free intro call to get started!